Steve Ball Diary
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Tuesday February 13
Wednesday February 14
Thursday February 15
Friday February 16
Saturday February 17
Sunday February 18
Read the archive
Tuesday February 20
Wednesday February 21
Thursday February 22
Friday February 23
Saturday February 24
Sunday February 25
Monday February 12
Life is changing in Seattle. An evolution is occurring within the extended
SGC team as a new generation continues to gain momentum, intensity, and
experience. The SRC meeting notes capture an interesting glimpse of the
ongoing expansion.
Conversely, my own activity in the SGC and extended Seattle music community continues to be sporadic and even downright flaky. This is a reflection of the empirical (not necessarily rational or intentional) fact that my professional and personal priorities have evolved in a subtle, but important, way in the past few months.
Currently, my primary professional priority revolves around completion of the second phase of the BTV (now BN) project. To effect an honorable completion, BN must become a viable, self-sustaining entity. In the current business climate, this is an exceptionally difficult task, but one that still has great potential and sufficient run-way, due largely to the efforts of a rock-solid core team who continue to create objective value in the face of uncertainty and difficulty.
I remain realistically optimistic.
* * *
Celebrated Valentine's day two days early today due to pending bi-coastal travel again this week. Received an awesome and inspiring gift from my Valentine.
* * *
In the reciprocation department, TravisH invited me to open for Electrochakra at Mr. Spots on Feb 24th. I am so honored.
I, in turn, invited Curt to join me. He said yes.
* * *
Tuesday February 13
Up very early; had a chance to practice my 'airport exercise' in an airport this
morning. Happy to be traveling with my Ovation this
week.
* * *
11:58pm EST. Now sufficiently unsettled in this mediocre NYC hotel, catching up on one of a thousand communications.
I am wiped out. This has already been a 15 hour day for me, and I could keep going until dawn and still not be done.
Highlight of the day: another great confirming meeting this afternoon immediately after stepping off the plane. Long and intense meeting. But more fuel for our fire.
Now, to bed.
* * *
Wednesday February 14
A mixed day of ups and downs.
Up: More validation today. Clear indication that we are on the right track. This feels good. Now, on a plane to Southern California for another (important) meeting tomorrow. Qualifying a meeting as 'important' is actually not necessary - they are all important. But some how, the meeting tomorrow goes up to 11. It's not any louder. The label on the knob simply says "11."
* * *
Down: spoke to my mom this morning. Some very bad news in the family. A shock. I am at a complete loss. Sometimes, life sneaks up on us and shuts us down for reasons we cannot understand. Best wishes to Uncle Butch and family.
Juggling my schedule to see if I can be there this weekend.
* * *
Six+ hour flight to Southern California, now behind me. Exhausted, but in better spirits than earlier during the bumpy flight. An inspiring dinner with CarmineM has cheered me up immensely. In the completion department, many of the original BTV ideas are becoming possible now that BN product is about to be becoming real. Also, some interesting potential ways to energize the BN staff are now visible on the horizon.
And miles to go before I sleep. Lord, what fools we mortals be.
Puck Frost.
* * *
A quick goodnight phone call has me going to bed feeling cheerful despite the severe external difficulties in the immediate landscape. Big important meeting tomorrow.
Must rest.
* * *
Thursday February 15
Up early for quick mail check and breakfast with CM before our meeting.
Intense and informative meeting from 11-1:30; We make a good technical
presentation team. And CM is a superstar. Intelligent,
articulate, personable, and tactful.
A good meeting. Followed by Italian lunch with CM before sending him packing to the airport.
* * *
Skipped dinner. No hunger whatsoever.
This night turned into one of the most difficult, sleepless nights I have ever had. No exaggeration here. An evening alone, full of irrational pain, sadness, fear, questioning, despair, confusion, and uncertainty. Many phone calls to a growing-snowy Seattle, working on logistics coordination for a potentially complex weekend of lose-lose travel.
No visible way to win.
A huge wrench was thrown into the grinding gears of an already stressful week near the anniversary of an already non-stop stressful year. I said many quiet prayers this evening, and years of relaxation exercises, attention-focusing breathing, and sensation work are about the only thing that kept me calm.
Questioning everything.
Remaining in hell, with some despair.
* * *
The following morning, I made the right decision, and although there was still hell, the despair departed.
* * *
Friday February 16
Made a flight with four minutes to spare. No airport practicing before
this flight. But a right decision pays off. Phone calls in the
morning also provide great relief as logistics fall into place, and the
world turns upright again.
The fear and despair of the previous evening now feels very far away.
* * *
Saturday February 17
Went on a much needed long rocky hike up a mountain this morning. Have not
sweat this much in a long long time. I'm surprised at how strong I
felt. Guess those stairs at BN and at the bogus parking lot have me in
slightly better shape than I thought. The hike enabled a necessary
purging.
Wonderful company, and a quiet climb up and out of the rocky past. What a view at the top. Counting my many blessings.
* * *
Sunday February 18
Morning dream: LH and I have been given the task of making bread for a
party of about 200 people who are visiting us in a huge white stone
building. The kitchen where we are supposed to work has a stone floor,
stone walls, and high stone ceiling. Even the ovens are made of stone, as
is every bowl, utensil, plate, cup, knife, and object in this building.
The guests are scheduled to arrive soon, and we are supposed to deliver hundreds
of perfectly brown, warm loaves of bread when they arrive. We've prepared
the dough, but the ovens are not very hot, so the bread is not cooking fast
enough (if at all?). I'm looking around for a way to create more heat from
all of this cold stone everywhere.
The guests arrive. The bread is not ready. < Wake up. >
* * *
More logistics falling into place. The bad news: relentless travel still seems to be part of the near future.
Another chance to work on the 'airport exercise' in its native practice space this afternoon. Momentary flash about a possible future in England in September during the first few minutes of practicing this morning. Remembering an impulse that first visited on November 11th, 1981 as if it were yesterday.
Highlight of the day: a very young boy (4ish?) dancing along for about ten minutes as I played at SGC std. tempo (92 bpm). Wish LH were with me here.
* * *
This is the anniversary of the day I left MS for BTV last year. What a wide and wild year it has been. This next shows no signs of letting up.
And yet, everything has changed.
* * *
home
Monday February 19
A family reunion of sorts. 500 people or so met together to say goodbye to
a woman who touched many lives. Rest in peace, Aunt Jan.
* * *
Tuesday February 20
Back in the Bootleg saddle. An early flight home from the weekend events through clear
skies. Smooth sailing and excellent company all the way home. Wrote
some private poems during the ride home. Tempted to include them here,
but I know better. Duh!
* * *
Wonderful email last week from brother Herni in Germany with updates on recent Gaucho plans and activities. Best wishes to the new Gaucho lineup.
* * *
Home for exactly 36 minutes, just long enough to find some clean socks, underwear, and shirts, then dropped into the office for about the same before catching a flight from Seattle back to NYC. My original United flight was cancelled so I ended up on a Delta flight through Atlanta with about 30 seconds to catch the connection. Running, sweating, made the flight.
While at BN this morning, I briefly saw JohnL for about three minutes, CVB for about ten minutes, and CurtG for about a nano-second. Also spoke to SteveE briefly via cell phone, coordinating logistics for the week.
Such a strange and accelerating life we lead.
The weekend was a shocking chance to slow down with family and friends and recalibrate my priorities. Now, back on the treadmill.
* * *
Wednesday February 21
More NYC meetings. All day. Blah blah blah. I am tired and
have not been home for 10 days. More validation from some big boys.
More intense professionalism. More exhaustion.
* * *
On impulse, I called Debra Kahan to say 'hi' this evening in Sacramento, and Yuri took a message. Wonder if she received this message?
* * *
Thursday February 22
Early morning flight to Atlanta for another important meeting. Then
a minor logistical disaster flying home. Snow in NYC means the plane I'm
on is running out of fuel as it circles LaGuardia. Bye bye
connection. In an act of brilliance, the flight is sent to Hartford for
refueling. We land in Hartford, and the Delta (change) Airlines flight attendant
tells us that
refueling will not take much time.
Fifteen minutes later, the pilot comes on and says those who wish to exit the plane while they refuel can, because it may be awhile before they get their 'flight plan' together. George and I get off the plane, George orders a beer; about the time he takes his first sip, there is an announcement: buses will be arriving in about an hour to drive us from Hartford to LaGuardia. Seems the snow in New York is getting worse.
We get our luggage off the plane and bolt, rent a four wheel drive car, and George drives us back downtown to Manhattan.
Tomorrow is another day.
* * *
Interesting message on my voice mail this afternoon - probably TravisH calling me from the Jonatha Brooke concert at Borders downtown.
I could hear Jonatha singing in the distance. I was supposed to be there with LH and TH.
Sigh.
Friday February 23
Up early. Flying home today, a day later than I'd hoped and planned. A Midsummer Night's Dream
this evening. Can't wait to see my sweetie and sleep in my own bed this
evening for the first time in two weeks.
Writing while driving in the car to the airport. Looking forward to pervasive wireless broadband connectivity.
Sometimes, the little imperfections in the logistical details can ruin my day and make an already difficult life on the road unbearable.
For example, last night in my expensive NYC hotel room, I plugged in my phone and laptop to charge overnight before bed to prepare for my day of travel. In the morning, neither were charged, in fact both had completely discharged -- the outlet I plugged into was dead.
The evening before (in the same hotel, different room), I wasted at least 45 minutes discovering that the 'data' line in the room was not working after checking the phone cords, my internal modem, rebooting numerous times, etc. The main phone line in the room is part of a proprietary PBX system that does not accept standard phone or modem signals. This is why they had a separate jack labeled "DATA" right next to the phone jack.
I finally got online briefly via a fax line inconveniently located in a clothes closet, far away from any desk or work surface.
Third-world or first-world -- it does not matter -- communications on the road, life on the road is a constant painful trudge between occasionally functioning physical and digital systems and devices.
I wish to stay home and play my guitar.
* * *
Much thinking on the plane ride home regarding the opportunities hidden within the current uncertainties in the local and global landscape. When I have had a good night's rest, the world is still a very hopeful place, full of potential and hidden opportunities. I am on the edge of burn out. Need to find a way to recharge.
* * *
Email from an appreciative Seattle fan today made my day. Thanks Ed. Perhaps the 15+ year investment in work as a musician has some (intangible) value after all.
* * *
Blast from the not so distant past:
Beehive (1.108K MP3)
I'm living in a beehive
I'm headed for a nose dive and there's nothing I can do
honey
it's yellow sweet and runny
but I'd rather have some money filling up my jar
I don't know where the warm juice flows
but I'd like to buy me a ticket
help me please, Mephistopheles
and I'll cut you in on the lottery
jaded,
my motivation faded
when I got what I wanted, I lost my joie de vivre
girlfriend
I can't really afford one
but maybe it's related to my lack of money
grass is green near the doggie's tree
and the white snow hides garbage underneath
silver clouds full of mercury
when the rain falls down it will bury me
honey, honey, money, honey
if count green sheep as I fall asleep
will I wake up late to silver plate
sell my dream as a pyramid scheme
and I'll get out fast with a pile of cash
honey, honey, give me lots of money, honey
acoustic, vocals: SB
electric, bvox: Curt Golden
bass: Steven Rhodes
drums, bvox: Brock Pytel
Looking forward to completing an SBRS CD this year...
* * *
Saturday February 24
SBRS at Mr. Spots with Curt and Bob. The set:
Ballistic Boxer
Back in NYC
Message in a Bottle
Hollow
Love Song
An hour of rehearsal with Bob in the morning, and 45 minutes with Curt and Bob an hour before the show. Sufficient. And well done. Bob sounded great playing through BenS's amazing bass rig. Have not seen Curt smile so much in a long, long time.
Playing with Curt and Bob is a complete joy. Missed Dean, Jax, and Brock, for sure. But there was a good blast of energy for us and the audience.
"What do you call yourself?"
Following the short SBRS set, Electrochakra rocked. They are my new favorite Seattle band. Hope to do more shows with them in the future.
Danced a bit with Isabel during the second song... I felt compelled to move my buns during their funky second song.
Seeing Isabel sitting on Lisa's lap... <sigh.> I know what I want.
* * *
Sunday February 25
A perfect day. Blissing out.
And very happy to be home.
* * *
cloud shadows paint the terrain,
god's Braille description of time.
blue gradient sky,
and me and you
floating in slow motion to heaven,
seeing the history of earth
in the blink of an eye.gossamer clouds obscure the details below
under the haze and crystalline snow.
it takes time and patience
to wade through the white,
with a compass of faith that guides me to you- Olive J.
* * *
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