Steve Ball Diary
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Monday January 28 Then, SGC rehearsal at HQ. I presented the sketches of part two of a three part suite; this second movement is lightly and somewhat ironically titled BootlegTV. Curt and Dean will be playing the almost-in-sync-but-always-slightly-out-of-tune slippery sliding 'VC' melodies. After the break, Bob also presented a piece; ironically, his piece is also a part two. The evening was musical and felt like good work. Home later, facing a huge pile of empty boxes that need to be filled. Ug.
* * * There were days (many) near the end of BTV (an 'end' which lasted for about a year) and Rockslide (whose end also lasted about year) where I would wake up at 4:30 or 5:00am filled with anxiety and churning with automatic 'problem solving.' My sleeplessness lately has less to do with solving problems and more to do with a struggle to learn from my mistakes. A mistake is not a problem to solve; there is no right answer that can be derived from equations that model what happened. Sometimes it is so much simpler than that. I am not a morning person; that is, I would much rather be able to sleep in, stay in bed, absorb that extra REM that feels so right when you do finally wake up because you are genuinely rested. But I generally get up and get a lot done in the morning. And I prefer to get up early, despite the pain of doing so. * * * Power-filled mail in my box really early this morning. So much for going back to sleep today.
* * * Was able to laugh out loud a few times today at various internal, external, local and global foibles. Perhaps listening to the Bee Gees in the background most of the day has helped with this. Now: You Should Be Dancing, Yeah! Perhaps deciding to abandon any and all sense of expectation, history, and baggage (just for today) has helped with this? I'm sure it will be back tomorrow. One day is possible. We shall see about tomorrow. Got a pile of good work done today, fueled by a massively cheesy dance soundtrack. Much more to do this evening. * * * Theme for the evening:
* * * * * * Much to say, but not the right time. May be offline for the next few days during a major moving transition. But there were a few gems in my inbox today that deserve some attention. Such as this:
Agree. Oi vey. And another:
There are some things that money can buy. For everything else, there is David LV. Dinner with DLV in Belltown this evening after moving some of my musical baggage around town with DLV and CurtG. * * * SGC rehearsal later this evening, diving head long into Bob's new piece. Then a quick visit to my new sequel, working title BTV. See you again here in a few days.
* * * * * * Soundtrack to my early evening recovery:
* * * * * * Quote of the day (my own): that which does not kill me, could almost kill me. Vulgar translation: long term heroics are not sustainable. On the other hand, long-term analysis, resting, healing, and recovering from devastating personal and professional failures is also not sustainable. * * * A wonderful day getting up to speed again after a difficult Friday. My day today began at 6:30 (Steve Reich, remix in the alarm.) Then, calisthenics at HQ with TonyG leading a ship with ten in the crew. Work with the 24 permutations of the first primary fingerings. Where would we be if the Seattle team began every day this way? Well, in Seattle. But with well-balanced finger strength, efficiency, and speed. A satisfying workout. Then onto a standard Geballe finger twisting anchoring exercise. This is the homework that makes music possible. It can be musical in it's own right, but this really scaffolding to stand on while the sculpture is being built. Many other lame-o analogies spring to mind. But you wanna play? You gotta doo the woik first. * * * Spent the afternoon cleaning up. * * * Then, dinner at Dean and Patty's. Excellent, food, dessert(s), yes plural, company, and conversation. Some insights about both how and what to do this year. Rightness in the air. And a new level of maturity, clarity, and groupness seems to be available to us now. Three years later (give or take fifteen) and it now feels like we are ready to begin. Again. Even what I thought might be potentially controversial ideas seemed to be heard with a measure of open consideration... Could be a great year ahead.
* * * Ah, the brave idiocy of youth. Side note:I agree with Jax: Frankie should call her student. The new Steve Reich release also apparently has a piece played by the Kronos Quartet. * * * About to be going for brunch with Derek and Whitney. It is so strange outside -- the sun is beaming unapologetically in the east like long-sleeved yellow shirt on stage at Mr. Spots. (How's that for a Sunday morning insider simile?) The sky is also mostly blue with patches of white and gray. Springing.
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SBRS rehearsal this evening -- good work on playing and staying in time. Doing two things is possible (singing while playing complex guitar parts.) Doing three is harder (singing while playing complex guitar while locking to a metronome.) Singing while playing complex guitar parts while locking to two other people sans metronome -- this can be risky business. Hence, work with a metronome. Some good metronome work on Walking in Your Footsteps and Kneeling Down whose versus and choruses are felt (quite naturally) at different tempi. Then SGC rehearsal, primarily focused on Bob's new piece, Fermat's Last Stand. I hear this as the soundtrack to an animated short film (Peter Max, perhaps) about a mathematician being pursued by prime numbers dressed as keystone cops. Good (too longish, but necessary) discussions during the break. After years of preparation, hard work, and struggles, this team seems to be on track. Have I mentioned recently that something seems to be going on in Seattle? * * * Three musical gifts, post-rehearsal. Dean introduced me to Greg Bissonette's solo CD. One massive pop song there that deserves attention. Many thanks.
* * * * * * The long day, now behind me. Much homework and reading today. Nuts. Bolts. Washers. Wrenches. * * * Listening to some tapes of lectures I bought in the Red Lion House era in the car over the past week. My listening is up an octave from last time. JGB speaks truth, and I am ready to hear the melodies in his words. These are small but potent gems that I have been hauling around for 12 years, and I am just now beginning to mine the power and value. Too much said already. * * * Evening: dinner with BillB, in from NY. Wonderful conversation over a mediocre meal, then retiring to the place we should have stayed, the bar in his fancy hotel. BillB has some incredible stories about his relatives and friends in the worlds of art and politics. Some good belly laughs over diverse conversations and uncanny observations. Memories from my last visit to this bar over excellent pizza color the later part of our conversation. Where did I go wrong? Too bad CVB blew us off. * * * A new song emerging from an improvisation during SBRS rehearsal last night. Where does this music come from? It seems to just arrive at my fingertips sometimes, without force, without thought, without effort. Why practice? For moments like these. Feeling peace and joy.
* * * This evening: the debut Skirt at Seattle Circle HQ had a large-ish and unexpected audience who provided good-ish feedback on three new-ish songs. More observations about this process when I have more energy, but it was a good beginning to what could become a very powerful forum for the practice of performance. Thanks to all who participated. Side note: it would be interesting to develop a set of guidelines and best practices for both audience and performers to guide us in our work in the Skirt. I will be curious to read others perceptions of the event as they pour into the various SC diaries. * * * A day of serendipities surrounding BootlegTV interactions and intersections. For example, David Miller, former BTV DirectMusic developer stopped by my office today to say hello and see how I was doing since coming back to the borg. I also had lunch with Mark Handfeld, Secretary of BTV and one of our early believers / representatives from Venture Law Group. Mark and I met to catch up personally and check in on the local start-up scene. Then, most surprising, a visit from Christian Von Burkleo and the friendly and intelligent CEO of his new LA-based start-up, Vidius. Great to see Christian thriving in his new job. If all of this were not enough, I found this today that brought back vivid memories of our initial raison d'etre. Check it out. Remember the original vision? Seeing all of the floating names reminds me that we brought an amazing group of people together to deliver on a necessary mission. The mission, and it's potential remains available. * * *
* * * You know, build an $250K enterprise level asset management software system to enable content owners to easily ingest, catalog, manage, distribute, and monetize their assets. Uh,... Then, thinking back on the bubble-brained execution: taking million$ in valley VC, hiring quickly to grow quickly to capture market share, shifting business plans based upon the whims of these same VCs, word-smithing 150 powerpoint presentations, again at the whims of 'advisors' and VCs who were at least as clueless, if not more clueless, as the rest of us. What a hare-brained method of 'undermining' the illegal bootleg market. At many steps along the way, the only thing we really undermined was our own ability to see straight. Revisiting all of this is not a form a torture. It could be form of learning and remembering. Or it could be like opening up an old scar. But not for me. Almost all of my own emotional investments (now scars) in BTV have now been processed, digested, released, and healed. So how about an inventory of some really obvious lessons: a) money always comes with a price tag, b) Venture Capital is a legalized form of gambling, the odds are stacked against the recipient, and it always comes with ropes (not strings) attached, c) never hire friends unless you actively wish to make them your enemies, d) "large group discussion" is an oxymoron, e) when something is not working, address quickly and cleanly, f) watch your back, watch your sides, watch your front, g) a business is not a democracy, h) stand up and say any idea (good, bad, brilliant, idiotic) out-loud in a room full of employees and half will hate you (because they vehemently disagree) the other half will love you (because they want the team to win, and/or they want to get a good review), and most of both halves really won't give a shit (because they are are actually waiting for 5:00 to come so they can leave and go do what they would rather be doing if they did not have to earn a living by building someone else's business.) There are probably hundreds more, but these are the first to roll off of my tongue at 6:45 in the morning. I'm sure a few more will find their way into my inbox today as a result of this Pandora's Box I am opening. Oy vey. Now into my day. * * * Yikes. Seems I've opened a few cans of worms today. More wonderful banter with J. at work today. But tomorrow is the real deal. Re: BTV reflections, many more lessons to learn than those outlined here. * * * Finally checked my online mailing list form tonight after weeks, perhaps, months of neglect.. Nice to hear from Patricia Fripp in SF (not sure how long ago - hi Sis!), Phil Johnson, who seems to have received a damaged CD, which I will gladly replace if he wishes, Randy Chiurazzi, Matthew Henry, and a DJ from Brazil who says he is a fan and wants free CDs because "I am so much better than Tori Amos." Hmmm... * * * Quite a full mailbag today too. Deleting most of it, but a few gems worth sharing here:
Lance, my old friend, my pleasure. We met many years ago (at University of Illinois) in and around the work of King Crimson. How fitting that years later you are running off to catch the train. You also bring up many good points about the recent start-up insanity. "Land grab" -- geeeze!!! Did you know that BTV, at the peak, owned something like 600 URLs. "Artist channels", if you drank the kool-aid. We should have sold them to Marc Geiger (ArtistDirect) when he offered to buy them. And don't even get me started on "value propositions" and other VC-speak. I lived it for 18 months. Nice to have some distance, though. * * *
Curt, as usual, right on the money. * * * More from Pandora's Box:
Wisdom from SteveE. We often don't know or notice what we have until it is gone. SteveE I will miss you. * * * And finally, some reflections on the Skirt (the Practice of Performance Workshop that took place last night at HQ.)
Did I mention that SBRS had a remarkable rehearsal this evening? Could be related to our work at the Skirt. I was soooo full of joy when I walked in to HQ: TravisH, once again, wailing away on an amazing new song, singing at the top of his lungs, and sounding great! Joy. I found my guitar parts and harmony in about three minutes, and we now have another total winner in the set. Three part harmony lives! Watch out Dixie Chicks. Next Pitcairn show is going to rock. Hopvine show is just around the corner too... * * * SGC also had a remarkable rehearsal. Solid work on the Shostakovich Prelude, then more tightening on Bob's funky Fermat's Last Stand, followed by presentation of the whole form of BTV, the requiem. Everyone melted into the spirit of the piece. The un-official not formally spoken instructions: We begin in a cloud of un-knowing, and remain there at all times during the piece. All parts are to be largely improvised around the loosely defined skeleton, and every note is to be played with complete conviction, by the seat of your pants. Our last rehearsal as a septet until Curt returns from the Level One Guitar Craft course in Santa Barbara next week. Much energy in the air. Feeling very up, awake, and alive this week.
* * * * * * At the Skirt on Wednesday evening, SBRS played one of our new songs called "Kneeling Down." As part of the critique discussion on my periodically lame-o enunciation skills, I mentioned that lyrics, while important to me as a songwriter, are not my primary concern as a performer. As a singer who has an attraction to simultaneously complex and almost-always polyrhythmic guitar parts, my attention in performance is usually divided according to the following priority:
and then, finally, as if there were any attention left to divide:
Generally, I put enunciation low on this list for two simple reasons. Firstly, I speculate that many people (perhaps 30-50%) of any given audience does not care what a song's words are in performance. They listen to the music which is a mysterious blend of sound, performance, and for lack of a more articulate description 'presence.' The actual 'meaning' of the words (as if there is a singular objective 'meaning' to the words) is, perhaps, a secondary concern. Secondly, the words of most of the songs in the SBRS set carry lyrics that are more poetic than literal stories. Miss a word here or there, and the musical experience goes on. There are some famous examples of bands who give not two shits about whether the audience can understand what they are saying. Ever hear of Radiohead? (Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon...) Anyone know of others. Many. Love to hear about your favorite indecipherable band or artist. * * * Anyway, for those who were asking the other night, here again, are the mis-enunciated lyrics to "kneeling down"
* * * 12:57am, technically it is tomorrow already. A long full day and evening. Many emails worth sharing, but not tonight, tomorrow. And plenty of activities to report, but not here. Home, is where I want to be but I guess I'm already there.
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* * * Speaking of occasionally unintelligible lyrics that force the listener to rethink their understanding of syntax and language, I ran into an Alan White (former John Lennon drummer, and drummer for my ex-favorite band on the planet, Yes) in RedWest A yesterday after a meeting. He was coming over to visit another old acquaintance, Mike Tiano, who edits the popular YES newsletter "Notes from the Edge." Nice to see them both again. Alan asked me if Prometheus was still playing around town... (he came to one of our shows at Sit and Spin in 1996.) Hmmmm.... been awhile, eh? Told him I would email him an 'update.' I guess if GregG and JarodK both bail on SBRS, I now have a plan C. * * * The bad news: Some idiot volunteered to drive TravisM, CurtG, FrankS, and BillR to the airport tomorrow morning at 5:30am. What was I thinking? * * * Off to calisthenics and sitting at HQ. Then, many things to chew on today, eh J. ? * * * Late morning, I have a Dixie Chicks song stuck in my head. CurtG obviously has a different song stuck in his...
* * * And one more from :
Those lyrics (Close to the Edge) still send chills up my spine. * * * A much needed nap and a cheery phone call make my day. * * * Evening: getting my studio sorted out. What a mess of cables and crap. Four computers (two Macs, two PCs) make for a pain in the arse. The bright side: listening to some old Steve Hackett (Spectral Mornings) while getting setup. Inspiration in the air. Yes, I am a complete sucker for Steve Hackett's first five solo recordings. To my ears, this music is timeless - a strange blend of English prog and American pop.. I'm sure these were each considered complete commercial disasters by his record company(s.) Musical value is not to be measured via quantity of plastic discs sold. Hackett-based inspiration drives me to the piano. * * * Later in the afternoon, back into a search for harmony via the Dixie Chicks. How can one person have such diverse musical taste?
* * * Painful to get up an hour earlier than normal, but good practice for the rest of the week since I have committed to sitting and calisthenics with Derek every morning during this next week. Wonder who else will be joining us for this? BTW, current plan (initiated by DerekD) is:
All within the Seattle Circle community are welcome to join us. * * * First meeting of the Seattle Circle Fundraising team to be held this morning at Dean and Patty's. * * * Good luck to everyone beginning the Santa Barbara Level One GC course this week.
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